Post by Overlord Omega on Jun 22, 2008 22:21:02 GMT -6
THE ADVENTURES OF DERMIE
part one: David
------------------------
This is an RPG that me and my sister dreamed up in the car on the way back from the Young Irish Musician's Weekend. Dermot Diamond, a fiddle player from Ireland, was one of the guest teachers there and "Dermie" is his nickname. Tommy is piper from Ireland, and Tara is a flute-player from Ireland, and is Dermie's wife.
(Dermot, Tommy and Tara)
Me and Rowan will probably participate the most in this, but you can certainly read it. I don't think you'd get it if you tried to participate, but you can try.
---------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man named Dermie Diamond. Dermie had a problem. He accidentaly joined the flooglehorn orchestra... and he didn't know how to play flooglehorn. But that wasn't his problem. his problem was that David was stalking him. He was like a wounded animal on the Serengeti. He turned a corner, and there was David. He opened a door, and there was David. He turned around, and there was David. He opened a box of saltine crackers, and there was David. There was no escape.
Dermie had to make a few calls to the flooglehorn orchestra to cancel his accidental problem, but he couldn't even do that. Whatever number he dialed, David answered because David had tapped his phone lines.
Dermie was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but then he had an idea. He would ask someone who knew thw answer to every answer in the world. He wife, Tara.
He asked her how to get rid of David.
"Tara, help me! Please! I'm being stalked by this fat guy named David."
"Oh mercy... not THE David. It's not THE David, is it?"
"The same, I'm afraid."
"Okay... well... you need to go hide in a bathroom..."
"Uh-huh."
"...and you need to wait in there for 10 minutes or so..."
"Yeah?"
"...and he should get bored and leave. If he hangs around for longer than that, try making loud gross grunting sounds in the stall."
"Okay. I'll try."
So Dermie snuck his way to the men's room. He slowly opened the doror... he carefully turned on th lights... and quietly opened the stall...
...but it was too late. From inside the stall, Dermie heard an all-too framiliar voice that made his insides liquefy.
"I have been waiting for you Dermie. That version of Cotterman's Ramble that you played sounds like the Drunken Sailor hornpipe. I will play it for you."
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Shrieked Dermie. He bolted out of the men's room and screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He tore out his hair and cried out, "If only a somewhat-hefty middle-aged uilleann piper would come to the rescue!"
Just then, Tommy Martin popped out of a nearby phone booth. "You called?"
David came out of the bathroom, saw Tommy and said, "Tommy! I am going to play for you MY version of 'Fat McMurphy'."
"Not on your life, you fat fuck."
Tommy then hurled his chanter like a javelin through the air. It impaled David in the eye and sparks flew out of his face.
Dermie turned his head away briefly to avoid contact with the sparks, but after a moment he looked back and saw standing before him a terminator-esque figure. It was David, he could tell, but half of his face had been blown away revealing a robotic understructure. It spoke to them in a strange Arnold Schwarzenegger-like accent:
"I'll be back... vith vistles."
It then burrowed into the ground and was gone.
Tommy and Dermie looked at each other, then slowly made their way back to Dermie's house.
Several days passed without any sign of David. Dermie and Tommy established an anti-David outpost in Australia where they could go in case of emergency.
One evening, Dermie and Tommy received a call from Kate Dowling that they and Tara were invited to be guest teachers at her Young Irish Musician's Weekend. They accepted, and took a flight to Minnesota.
Dermie, Tara, and Tommy were given a hearty welcome upon their arrival. They taught several master classes and received free T-shirts, cake, coffee, granola bars and other free crap in their goodie bags. It looked to be a good weekend. No lawyers, no deranged taxidermists , and best of all, no sign of David...
...or so it seemed.
The next day, Tommy and Dermie were walking down the hallway on their way to their next class, when they heard a gut-wrenching squeaky voice from behind them that they knew all-too well.
"Hi, Tommy and Dermie. I met Paddy Kennan. He taught me this tune which I will play for you..."
To their horror... it was David.
He no longer had a gaping hole in his head, nor did he seem to remember the incident before. Somehow, he had regrown his exoskin. But whatever he had done, he was back and persistently obnoxious as ever.
Dermie immediately telephoned the outpost that a David sighting had been made. They told him a plane would be bookend and he was to fly there within the next two days.
Tommy sheilded Dermie from David with his uilleann pipes and pushed him into a classroom. There he saw Jode Dowling and a bunch of kids holding fiddles.
"Dermie, you're late!" they said.
"Oh... um... I was... nevermind. Jode, this is MY class. Shoo! Shoo!"
Meanwhile, Tommy had managed to collect DNA samples from David and recorded David's version of "Fat McMurphy's". Then he sent a copy of the information to the outpost and to the ADA (Anti David Association) where it was examined. He also taught flute, whistle and uilleann pipe classes all in the same day.
Dermie safely got on his plane to Australia after saying goodbye to Tommy. Except for his salted peanuts tasting like shit, the in-flight movie being spoken in Yiddish, and not getting a window seat, he had a pretty decent flight.
When he arrived at the base, he examined the DNA samples and other data that Tommy had obtained, because apart from being a brilliant Irish musician, he was also a very brilliant scientist.
He concluded that David was actually just a puppet serving a greater evil, but he didn't know who had built Davis or what they were using him for besides annoying
the tar out of Irish musicians.
They listened to his version of "Fat McMurphy's". They played it over and over, but it didn't make any sense... untill they played it backwards at high speed.
It turned out to be a recording of an unknown person. It said:
"You are all mediocre musicians! Soon, you shall all see and hear what a REAL musician is, and you will all be forced to manufacture cheap pennywhistles for little to no pay. Bwaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!"
Dermie stared at the tape player.
"What the hell does THAT mean?!"
part one: David
------------------------
This is an RPG that me and my sister dreamed up in the car on the way back from the Young Irish Musician's Weekend. Dermot Diamond, a fiddle player from Ireland, was one of the guest teachers there and "Dermie" is his nickname. Tommy is piper from Ireland, and Tara is a flute-player from Ireland, and is Dermie's wife.
(Dermot, Tommy and Tara)
Me and Rowan will probably participate the most in this, but you can certainly read it. I don't think you'd get it if you tried to participate, but you can try.
---------------------------------------------------------
There once was a man named Dermie Diamond. Dermie had a problem. He accidentaly joined the flooglehorn orchestra... and he didn't know how to play flooglehorn. But that wasn't his problem. his problem was that David was stalking him. He was like a wounded animal on the Serengeti. He turned a corner, and there was David. He opened a door, and there was David. He turned around, and there was David. He opened a box of saltine crackers, and there was David. There was no escape.
Dermie had to make a few calls to the flooglehorn orchestra to cancel his accidental problem, but he couldn't even do that. Whatever number he dialed, David answered because David had tapped his phone lines.
Dermie was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but then he had an idea. He would ask someone who knew thw answer to every answer in the world. He wife, Tara.
He asked her how to get rid of David.
"Tara, help me! Please! I'm being stalked by this fat guy named David."
"Oh mercy... not THE David. It's not THE David, is it?"
"The same, I'm afraid."
"Okay... well... you need to go hide in a bathroom..."
"Uh-huh."
"...and you need to wait in there for 10 minutes or so..."
"Yeah?"
"...and he should get bored and leave. If he hangs around for longer than that, try making loud gross grunting sounds in the stall."
"Okay. I'll try."
So Dermie snuck his way to the men's room. He slowly opened the doror... he carefully turned on th lights... and quietly opened the stall...
...but it was too late. From inside the stall, Dermie heard an all-too framiliar voice that made his insides liquefy.
"I have been waiting for you Dermie. That version of Cotterman's Ramble that you played sounds like the Drunken Sailor hornpipe. I will play it for you."
"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Shrieked Dermie. He bolted out of the men's room and screamed, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He tore out his hair and cried out, "If only a somewhat-hefty middle-aged uilleann piper would come to the rescue!"
Just then, Tommy Martin popped out of a nearby phone booth. "You called?"
David came out of the bathroom, saw Tommy and said, "Tommy! I am going to play for you MY version of 'Fat McMurphy'."
"Not on your life, you fat fuck."
Tommy then hurled his chanter like a javelin through the air. It impaled David in the eye and sparks flew out of his face.
Dermie turned his head away briefly to avoid contact with the sparks, but after a moment he looked back and saw standing before him a terminator-esque figure. It was David, he could tell, but half of his face had been blown away revealing a robotic understructure. It spoke to them in a strange Arnold Schwarzenegger-like accent:
"I'll be back... vith vistles."
It then burrowed into the ground and was gone.
Tommy and Dermie looked at each other, then slowly made their way back to Dermie's house.
Several days passed without any sign of David. Dermie and Tommy established an anti-David outpost in Australia where they could go in case of emergency.
One evening, Dermie and Tommy received a call from Kate Dowling that they and Tara were invited to be guest teachers at her Young Irish Musician's Weekend. They accepted, and took a flight to Minnesota.
Dermie, Tara, and Tommy were given a hearty welcome upon their arrival. They taught several master classes and received free T-shirts, cake, coffee, granola bars and other free crap in their goodie bags. It looked to be a good weekend. No lawyers, no deranged taxidermists , and best of all, no sign of David...
...or so it seemed.
The next day, Tommy and Dermie were walking down the hallway on their way to their next class, when they heard a gut-wrenching squeaky voice from behind them that they knew all-too well.
"Hi, Tommy and Dermie. I met Paddy Kennan. He taught me this tune which I will play for you..."
To their horror... it was David.
He no longer had a gaping hole in his head, nor did he seem to remember the incident before. Somehow, he had regrown his exoskin. But whatever he had done, he was back and persistently obnoxious as ever.
Dermie immediately telephoned the outpost that a David sighting had been made. They told him a plane would be bookend and he was to fly there within the next two days.
Tommy sheilded Dermie from David with his uilleann pipes and pushed him into a classroom. There he saw Jode Dowling and a bunch of kids holding fiddles.
"Dermie, you're late!" they said.
"Oh... um... I was... nevermind. Jode, this is MY class. Shoo! Shoo!"
Meanwhile, Tommy had managed to collect DNA samples from David and recorded David's version of "Fat McMurphy's". Then he sent a copy of the information to the outpost and to the ADA (Anti David Association) where it was examined. He also taught flute, whistle and uilleann pipe classes all in the same day.
Dermie safely got on his plane to Australia after saying goodbye to Tommy. Except for his salted peanuts tasting like shit, the in-flight movie being spoken in Yiddish, and not getting a window seat, he had a pretty decent flight.
When he arrived at the base, he examined the DNA samples and other data that Tommy had obtained, because apart from being a brilliant Irish musician, he was also a very brilliant scientist.
He concluded that David was actually just a puppet serving a greater evil, but he didn't know who had built Davis or what they were using him for besides annoying
the tar out of Irish musicians.
They listened to his version of "Fat McMurphy's". They played it over and over, but it didn't make any sense... untill they played it backwards at high speed.
It turned out to be a recording of an unknown person. It said:
"You are all mediocre musicians! Soon, you shall all see and hear what a REAL musician is, and you will all be forced to manufacture cheap pennywhistles for little to no pay. Bwaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaa!"
Dermie stared at the tape player.
"What the hell does THAT mean?!"
